A Matter of Serious Consequence

This is G.K., Susanna's husband.

In our home, writing is a sacred human act. We write a lot. We always have. Before the web, we were both prolific journal keepers. I still have an affinity for hand written letters. Our shared love of story and words and expression acted as a catalyst in bringing Susanna and me together in the first place and it continues to help solidify the bond we enjoy now.

It seems everyone enjoys writing these days like no other time in the history of mankind. There's a power in writing that the world is excited to finally experience. All of us are writing to record what we don't want to let slip by unnoticed, to capture things we wish would remain forever, to report and announce what is important to us, to express what we feel that's otherwise intangible, to make each other laugh, to explore our thoughts and the world we experience, to share our love and connect. Much of this writing we do publicly. It's created a conversation that has the power to bring us all together and, literally, it has made the world a better place.

Tonight, I write briefly with a howling pain inside me. I write this to try and wrap my head around it, to let the pain leak out, to warn everyone I can, and to just be able to do something. But it feels burdensome to write about such a horrible event, and I am actually embarrassed to be so public with it. Please, beware if you choose to read on. The topic is grievous, but I feel more strongly that it's a crime in this case to be silent. I'm so afraid to make this seem like it's about me. I don't want it to be about me in the least part. I just want the world to know. I'd walk the streets and shout it in people's faces if I were a better man. That would probably be more sane.

Today, my sweet cousin became a fatal victim of violence at the hand of an intimate partner. A man she had been dating proved himself to be dangerous and she'd become afraid and was trying to avoid him. The unthinkable occurred, in the middle of the day and in public. Without exaggeration, she was a sweet and gentle woman, the mother of 4 children, 30 years old. But for me, she will forever be my little cousin, sitting up against me in the Datsun, sucking her thumb and playing with the lobe of my ear as if it were a soft blanket. That's how I've always remembered her. I loved her. She deserved to be loved because she was human.

In the past, I've heard statistics that seemed too high to believe, but tonight I've found sources that I consider credible, such as the Journal of The American Medical Association. For simple, non-graphic, starters: 1 in 5 teenage girls in the United States reports having been physically or sexually abused by a dating partner. I can't imagine this. 1 in 5...and still so young. 1 in 4 will experience this in their lifetime. 1 in 4. Violence against women is commonplace right here in the United States. Violence in general is commonplace. It's a sickness.

Please, love each other. Please, teach your children love. Please, teach them respect. Please, respect yourself. Please, teach your children to protect and defend these things, and please defend them yourself. I don't pretend this is a simple matter. But I am also certain that we can all develop these powerful tools. We can't afford not to. They are all that makes life worth living. If you know someone who needs help, please be responsible and reach out to help them. If you come from a culture of violence yourself, that's not your fault. Seek out help to change. There are willing resources and it can end with you.